The big meet up!

I am all stressed out.  Four and a half years worth of stress is not an easy thing to deal with.  Even though these have been some of the best years of my life, in the background my thoughts always turned to the day when I would have to tell my folks about TD and about us living together.  As a family we have had many problems, we have been through some serious family dividing issues.  Surviving these issues has made us a very close knit family.

When I moved down to Cape Town four and a half years ago, my family had just begun putting the pieces back together.  At that time, I was not ready to tell my folks about TD - it was too soon, and I knew it would be put strain on the already fragile relationship that was slowly but surely growing.  Suddenly a few months because four years - time has flown and during that time, we grew stronger and closer as a family and it became harder for me to tell them.   As each day passed, I wanted so desperately for them to accept TD, to get to know him and for them to get to know us as a unit.  Of course the more I wanted this, the scarier it was for me to think of the possibility that they may not even survive the news that I was dating a white guy.

But when I finally did pluck the courage to tell them last year, I was floored by their reaction.  They completely accepted the news and they loved him after meeting him for the very first time.  I couldn’t have asked for a better result and that would have been the happy ending, had there not been the last bit of news that TD and I were living together which I still had not told them.  I actually thought this would be the news that would break the camel’s back which is why I delayed telling them until now, when I felt that they had truly gotten used to the idea of TD and I together.  Sometimes I used to think that this would be worse for them to deal with than my first bit of news.   But yet again, they proved me wrong by taking it very well.  The ultimate sign of approval was the movie evening we held at our flat with my folks.  From the moment they stepped in, there was not even a hint of awkwardness.  It felt as if they had known for years that we were living together and they had spent many an evening with us at our flat.  I actually had to pinch myself at the end of the evening to make sure I wasn’t dreaming.  I can’t begin to describe the feeling of joy and uncontrollable happiness that my parents were finally able to share this side of my life with no restrictions.  Something as simple as calling them up from home and having my dad ask to speak to TD makes me giddy with hapiness and leaves me with the goofiest grin on my face.  I don’t think I will ever tire of that feeling!

Shortly after my last revelation, my parents were due to meet TD’s parents.  By this point, I was done with the stress, I had reached my stress limit.  I desperately wanted them to get along, but them not getting along was not a deal breaker for either of us.  Also, one of the reasons TD and I work so well together despite all the apparent differences in race, culture and religion is because of the many commonalities in our upbringing.  So often both of us would be amazed at the quirks of a Jewish upbringing which was duplicated in mine.  TD and I had more than just love as a foundation, we had the same values and morals which came from our parents.  We realized early on that had our parents met under different circumstances, they would get along very well so even though there would be some initial reservations they would find a connection that would grow over time.

I was not dissapointed, the first meet up went very well.  There was some reservation initially, and a few cultural differences in communication.  I knew that my parents were nervous about the meet up and it showed but I was surprised to see that TD’s parents were just as nervous.  It evened the playing field a little but left TD and I with the job of filling the silent moments.  Curiously we realised during the course of the evening that whenever we left them alone as we stepped into the kitchen to get supper ready, the conversation seemed to flow more.  So we took to finding reasons to pop into the kitchen together.  We would walk into the kitchen calmly and then duck behind the door and listen to the conversation and then ask each other how the other thought things were going.  I lost count of how many times we did this.  Eventually food was served and everyone gathered around the dinner table and the conversation started to flow more and covered a variety of topics from types of Israeli and Indian foods, to weather (I know, the dreaded weather topic but it actually worked in this context) to the state of the education system in this country. By the end of the evening, they had forged a tentative connection which I hoped would grow.

Two days later when we all met up again to celebrate my father’s birthday.  This time, the conversation flowed, they got to know each other a bit more and the quick lunch turned into a four hour discussion about politics and religion.  Half way through the afternoon, I was struck by the scene in front of me: our folks chatting about politics, while FF (my sister), TD and I sat listening to them talk with slightly a bored expression on our faces.  This is exactly what would have happened had our parents met under different circumstances.  They would have gotten along while the kids sat around hoping for the conversation to come to a close sometime this century.  It was at that point that I knew without a shadow of a doubt that things were going to be just fine.  I had hoped that even though they met through TD and I, they would forge a friendship that could stand on its own because they are the most amazing people I know with some amazing life stories to share.  They had taken the first step in a long road to building a fantastic and amazing relationship.